Nosh No-Nos for Nuptials


Music – “Wedding March” from A Jazz-Inspired Wedding by Craig Curry. Released: 2013

June has long been associated with weddings. With weddings comes food (usually). Offerings at wedding receptions are about as diverse as are the couple, who just exchanged vows. From traditional (the whole multi-tiered cake slathered in butter frosting, fondant and adorned with colourful flowers, lace, etc.), to the country-style, jazzy, exotic, down-home, the food planning for a wedding reception is wide-open, depending on the tastes of the bride and groom (or bride & bride, groom & groom…you get the picture), and the tastes of their guests.

However, there is one caveat to serving food at a nuptial celebration: practicality and the degree of difficulty in consuming the food without ruining the rented tux, the heirloom bridal gown, the expensive bridesmaid dress that will never be worn again (thankfully), and the reputation of the hosts. In that light, I offer a few suggestions for those wedding planners about what NOT to serve at their upcoming festivities.

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“Keep Flouring it till the Eyes Drop Out”


Music: Playtime Songs by The Countdown Kids. Released: 2002

One of the great things about having so many cookbooks is tracing the history of cooking techniques and cookery advice. Marketing, food trends and such were popular topics in 18th and 19th century cookbooks. Hannah Glasse, in her classic “The Art of Cookery Made Plain and Easy”, first published in 1747, provided very detailed descriptions of how to market, select and purchase comestibles such as meat, fish, vegetables, etc.


“See dear….this one is green and slimy and smells…if only we had “use by” labels” (Photo Credit:

Presumably, her advice was based on her own experiences and the use of her senses: smell, sight, touch, and on occasion, taste. To select mutton, she advises that “If there be rot, the flesh will be palish, and the fat a faint whitish, inclining to yellow…”.

Pork selection requires intense scrutiny: “As for old and new killed, try the legs, hands and springs, by putting your finger under the bone that comes out: for if it be tainted, you will there find it by smelling your finger; beside the skin will be sweaty and clammy when stale, but cool and smooth when new”.

“Excuse me, but would you unwrap this so I could stick my finger inside to see if it’s fresh?” (Photo Credit:

When was the last time you asked a butcher (if you even saw one at your local supermarket), if you could poke your finger into a pork roast?

“We charge extra if you want to stick your finger into our meat” (Photo Credit:






Or, opened a carton of eggs in the grocery store and licked one? (“Eggs hold the great end to your tongue; if it feels warm, be sure it is new…”) Certainly makes a case for washing your eggs first before cracking them open!

“But grocery guy, Mom told me to lick the end to see if it was fresh!” (Photo Credit: http://www.lifetimeofspring.          







“I think this egg is a little old, grocery guy…” (Photo Credit:

When it comes to actually cooking your finely selected purchases, Hannah advises that to roast a pig, “…take a little sage shred small, a piece of butter as big as a walnut, and a little pepper and salt; put them into the pig and sew it up with coarse thread: then flour it all over very well, and keep flouring it till the eyes drop out…” No mention of what to do with the little orbs once they have fallen into the firepit.

“No, this is beef. I got grossed out when I roasted the pig and his eyes dropped out!” (Photo Credit: http://www.janeaustens

Clearly, cheese selection in Hannah’s time was an art: “…if old cheese be rough-coated, rugged, or dry at top, beware of little worms of mites: if it be over full of holes, moist or spongy, it is subject to maggots”. Not a pretty picture.

“No maggots, so it must be fresh…” (Photo Credit:


Small birds were a mainstay dish in the late 18th century, including Woodcock and Snipe. Hannah advises that “The Woodcock, if fat, is thick and hard; if new, limber-footed: when stale, dry-footed: or if their noses are snotty and their throats muddy and Moorish, they are not good”. Makes sense to me. Few things are worse than a Woodcock with a snotty nose.

Now, as to the variety of comestibles, which people will partake of, although some of us (myself included) might find it a tad squeamish to even consider downing a goblet of fresh pig’s blood (or cow‘s blood), in 1893, Helen Campbell in her book “The Easiest Way in Housekeeping and Cooking”, discusses the popularity of blood-puddings among the Germans. She suggests that “…we are not likely to adopt their use. Fresh blood has, however, been found of wonderful effect for consumptive patients and there are certain slaughter-houses in our large cities where every day pale invalids are to be found waiting for the goblet of almost living food from the veins of the still warm animal. Horrible as it seems, the taste for it is soon acquired ; and certainly the good results warrant at least the effort to acquire it.” (Dracula: your supply may be diminishing!)

“I’d better stay in Transylvania….I hear there’s a shortage of blood in America…” (Photo Credit:

There is an answer for just about anything in some early cookbooks. For example, I had never given a lot of thought to the effects of moonlight on fish (have you?) According to Virginia Reed, in her 1896 book, “The Way we Did at Cooking School”, moonlight causes fish to spoil “…on account, of the attraction it has for the phosphorus in the fish”.

Must have been caught on a moonlit night. (Photo Credit:


I’m not clear on the exact causal relationship here, but the bottom line suggests that you should only fish during daylight hours.

Apparently a live fish will not spoil when the sun is shining. The peril comes after he retires for the night.


“…something to do with the moon and phosphorous…” (Photo Credit:






After all is said and done, Hannah Glasse might breathe a sigh of relief if she were marketing today. In addition to stringent Federal standards for the sale of fresh and processed foods and “use by” labels, she might even invest in a Stable Micro System instrument to measure the ripeness in fruits, or a Stable Micro System device, which measures the extensibility of pizza cheese. No more sniffing, poking or pulling.  Ah, behold the wonders of modern technology (but not nearly as much fun as poking your finger into the pork!)

“If only Hannah Glasse had an instrument to determine how ripe fruit is…. (Photo Credit:

…or a device to test the elasticity of pizza cheese! (Photo Credit:

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Preparing Edible Garbage and How to Cook Shoes


“Crazy Shoe Stew” from Cool Songs Collection & Times Table Fun by William Avery. Released: 2007

No doubt, we’ve all had a meal that we found distasteful, inedible and would have just as soon relegated it to the trash.  But, a recipe for “Edible Garbage“?  Seems like an oxymoron to me.  Would you be willing to cook shoes for your family, or whore’s farts? (really!)

A fascinating cookbook in my collection is “The Curious Cookbook:  Viper Soup, Badger Ham, Stewed Sparrows and 100 more Historic Recipes“, by Peter Ross, first published in London in 2012.  Ross delves into historic recipes, whose titles are somewhat confusing at times, if not outright repulsive.

“The Curious Cookbook” by Peter Ross


“You’re not getting me into that soup pot!” (Photo Credit: http://www.ngm.national






Edible Garbage” consists of “fresh garbage” (faire Garbage), chicken heads, feet, livers and gizzards, tossed into a pot with beef broth, pepper, other spices and herbs.  Bread is soaked in the broth and mashed through a strainer, which is then added to the pot.  The recipe dates to 1450.  Despite the name, it really sounds like darn good chicken soup, with the exception of the nebulous “garbage”.

Is this what’s in the recipe for “Edible Garbage”? (Photo Credit: http://www.aginnovators.


“I am not dumpster diving. I’m retrieving ingredients for tonight’s dinner of “Edible Garbage” (Photo Credit: http://www.insightout magazine.






To Cook Shoes” is a recipe that just begs to be investigated.   Not to be taken literally, of course, however, allegedly in 1980, a documentary film was made, which depicted director Werner Herzog eating his shoe, as part of a promise he made if Errole Morris ever completed the film “Gates of Heaven“.  Supposedly the film was completed and Herzog honoured his promise, boiling up his shoes with the assistance of Alice Waters at her restaurant, Chez Panisse and eating one before an audience.

Of course this man can’t eat this shoe…it’s still raw! (Photo Credit: http://www.dreams


He did, however, explain that he would not eat the sole of the shoe, as that would be akin to eating chicken bones.  However, in “The Curious Cookbook“, “To Cook Shoes” (1545)  involves a “rumpe of beife“, boiled with cabbage, a few birds including partridge, and seasoned with salt and pepper.  Where the “shoe” enters the picture is unknown, but perhaps the beef was so overcooked that it had the texture of leather.

“I should have consulted the Sommalier…I just don’t know if red or white is appropriate” (Photo Credit: http://www.    canstock photo.      com)

Some of the recipes just can’t be envisioned, including “Butter Roasted on a Spit” (1615).


“Butter Roasted on a Spit”. Sounds messy to me. (Photo Credit: http://www.foodhistory jottings.blogspot.      com)

I scoffed at a recipe for “Dried Instant Vinegar for Travellers” (1615), until I found a modern ad for dried vinegar, but whether the ability and knowledge was available in 1615 to produce such an item I have to question.

There is such a thing as “dried vinegar”, but did the cooks and alchemists know how to produce it in 1615? (Photo Credit:








Also picturesque is “Whore’s Farts” (1653), which is fritter batter, and when squeezed into hot oil from a syringe made some rather melodious sounds.

Something resembling this was “Whore’s Farts”, a most unappetizing sounding food. (Photo Credit:


I find it hard to picture “Artificial Asses Milk Made with Bruised Snails“, no matter how long I concentrate (1747), and I don’t particularly want to envision “Lips, Noses, Udders, Ox-Eyes and Sparrows on Toast” (1660).

“Excuse me, but you’re adding my milk to what?” (Photo Credit: http://www.modern

“Fly, fly….he’s got the toaster out!” (Photo Credit: http://www.travis

Who, however, could resist “Rabbits with Jaw-Bone Horns, a Bunch of Myrtle in Their Mouths and a Frothy Liver Sauce” (1800) Yum.

During Medieval times, longevity and storage was important, thus recipes such as “A Ketchup What Will Last You Twenty Years” (1747), courtesy of Hannah Glasse, which sounds like a fine Remy Martin Cognac, appropriately aged to perfection,  or “A Barrel of Tripe to Take to the East Indies“, which should survive a nine month journey across tropical seas (1747).  Opening the barrel must have been an olfactory experience to match none.

“Just because the ketchup container exploded doesn’t mean it’s spoiled, does it? After all, it’s only been 18 years!” (Photo Credit:

So, run, don’t walk to your bookstore and get a copy of “The Curious Cookbook” and cook up a mess of “Poisonous Purple Pears“, “Asparagus Coffee” (really!), and “Imitation Entrails(who would want imitation, when you can have the real thing!)



My EatYourBooks cookbook collection

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Hollandaise, Halibut and High Heel Hijinks


Music – “High Heel Shoe” from Bluegrass Guitar by Bryan Sutton. Released: 2007

What do Barbara Billingsley (June Cleaver), Harriet Nelson and Donna Reed have in common?  1950’s sitcom wives?  Sure.  All were predominately featured in their busy kitchens, wearing sleek, tailored dresses protected by pretty organdy aprons, with a string of pearls around their dainty necks.  But, like their peers in advertisements for kitchen appliances in women’s magazines at the time, they shared another common element:  high heels in the kitchen!

Harriet Nelson, resting her feet, while the boys take over cooking duties (Photo Credit: pinterest. com)






I think there was a (probably male) conspiracy in the 1950’s, which dictated that women, while cooking, had to wear high heels to do so.  No matter that the shoes were uncomfortable (and still are), but were dangerous to be teetering around in carrying a pot of boiling water to the sink.  They wreaked havoc with your back and bones, but somehow, the myth that it was simply “de rigueur” for women to cook wearing high heels persisted. From steaming a halibut to whipping up hollandaise, the 1950’s woman in the kitchen did it all in high heels.

“I know your dogs are barking, June, but get back in the kitchen!” (Photo Credit: http://www.huffington

“I just love my new garbage shredder. How I’d love to toss these high heels into it!” (Photo Credit: http://www.pinterest. com)


“Gee, Mom….6 pies and all made, while you were wearing high heels!” (Photo Credit: American Graphics    Systems Collection)



“I just flit around the kitchen in my toga style high heels!” (Photo Credit: Alvarado Historic Collection)

“Cooking is a whiz, when I’m dancing in my high heels!” (Photo Credit: American Graphics Systems Collection)








“Gee…I’m so classy, I not only go grocery shopping in hat and white gloves, but when I get home, I’ll still be wearing my high heels to cook the halibut!” (Photo Credit: http://www.theglamorous housewife. wordpress. com)

“Thanks for helping, Tommy. Mom’s feet are SO tired!” (Photo Credit:  Alvarado Historic Collection)




“Well, Harry, I wouldn’t have dropped all of the dishes if I hadn’t been wearing these d**n high heels!” (Photo Credit: http://www.the1950s kitchen.




“Future schmuture. In my future kitchen, NO high heels will be allowed!” (Photo      Credit:





In an article about the trend, written by Mary Schmich in 1994 for the Chicago Tribune, she notes that “If my back and feet did not scream for mercy, I would cook in high heels. Kitchen counters were made for women 5-foot-5, not 5-foot-2. Short women know the thrill of the extra inch or 3 that lets them bear down on a knife or sponge with the right amount of leverage“.  Now, I admit that I never considered the leverage power of wearing high heels, while cooking, but she may have a point.  On the other hand, wouldn’t it be less painful and less risky to prep, while sitting on a high stool near the kitchen counter?

“These high heels are just the right height for cooking in” (Photo Credit: http://www.glamour






“I wear my high heels around the house to do everything…mopping…..” (Photo Credit: http://www.pinterest.           com)





“…vacuuming…” (Photo Credit: http://www.the idealinthehouse          wife. wordpress.         com)

“…polishing the hardwood floors…” (Photo Credit: http://www.jalopy







“…even doing the laundry in my state of the art washing machine!”  (Photo Credit: http://www.





Elissa Blattman, Project Assistant for the National Women’s History Museum, on “ThrowbackThursday:  In Defense of June Cleaver“, tells us that initially, Barbara Billingsley wore flats during the taping of the TV series, “Leave it to Beaver“, however, as “Beaver” and “Wally” grew taller over the six seasons of the show,  she started wearing high heels in order to look taller than the boys.  According to Blattman, June Cleaver was still the parent and had to appear larger than life, so to speak.

But in the 1950’s and even earlier, women wearing high heels were featured in endless advertisements from manufacturers of everything from cake mixes to vacuum cleaners.  The 1950’s housewife portrayed in television, film and in advertisements featured glamorous, sophisticated women tending to their households, flitting around the house in high heels, while cooking, dusting, mopping, vacuuming, bathing the baby, doing laundry and just about every other household chore.

“I never load my good crystal in the dishwasher….I’m afraid I’ll turn my ankle in these high heels and break everything!”  (Photo Credit: Alvarado   Historic Collection)


“Yes, I even bathe the baby, while I’m wearing high heels. I just put a quarter in this slot….” (Photo Credit: http://www.return


“Dusting, while wearing high heels  is definitely classy” (Photo Credit: http://www.magnolia




She was cool, beautiful and every boy’s idea of what a mother should be.  Even up to her elbows in rubber gloves, on hands and knees scraping gooey messes from the oven, she was still dressed to the nines and still had on those perpetual high heels.

Thankfully, the era of high heels in the kitchen has (hopefully) died a natural (and long overdue) death.  I wonder how many 1950’s women later suffered from back and foot disorders from years of hobbling around on those treacherous shoes.  At least, in America, we didn’t practice the ancient Chinese custom of female foot-binding.  Now, that’s gotta be not only painful but incapacitating!  Here’s to flats in the kitchen!

“Why, of course I’m wearing my high heels in the kitchen. I’d feel positively naked without them!” (Photo Credit: http://www.pinterest.    com)


“I use my high heels for everything in the kitchen…from pitting cherries to kicking the garbage can lid close” (Photo Credit: http://www.pinterest.           com)

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De gustibus non est disputandum (or: You’re eating what?!)

Music – “I Like What I Eat” from Songs To Strike A Chord by Jon Barker


De gustibus non est disputandum comes from the Latin and means “In matters of taste, there can be no disputes”.  Personal preferences in foods are subjective opinions, not right or wrong, so as the maxim goes, “…they should never be argued about as if they were”.  The English rendition has come to be known as “There is no accounting for taste“.

Thus said, however, I am always amazed at finding “unusual” recipes in my cookbooks.  By “unusual”, I mean only that they are composed of food combinations I would never have thought of, or food combinations that are either unlikely or downright odious.  As an example, consider recipes I located in a new cookbook purchase, “Fashionable Food” by Sylvia Lovegren, published in 1995.  Her book traces “seven decades of food fads” and sports some truly unusual recipes.

Consider “Banana and Popcorn Salad“, from the 1920’s:  “Place the banana (peeled and cut in half lengthwise) on the lettuce leaf.  Scatter popcorn over the banana and put dabs of mayonnaise here and there“.

Part 1 (Photo Credit: http://www.dreams

Part 2 (just add lettuce and mayo with Part 1 and you’ve got an unusual salad) (Photo Credit: http://www.newhealth

⇐           PLUS         ⇒



(author’s opinion!)

If that’s not to your taste, you might like “Fruit and Flower Frozen Cheese Salad“, which combines cream cheese, mayonnaise, whipped cream, pimientoes, bell pepper, chopped pecans, salt, pepper and paprika.

Always a favourite, there was “Chipped Beef and Pineapple“, from the 1930’s. Combine bits of fried pineapple (in butter), chipped beef (hydrated with boiling water) and cook.  Yum!

Mix with rehydrated chipped beef and you’ve got yourself a downright unusual meal! (Photo Credit: www.

Good ole’ chipped beef! (Photo Credit:






Care for “Roast Possum with Sweet Potatoes” ? A “soul food” out of the 1960’s.

“First of all, find a possum” (Photo Credit: http://www.hillbilly

From the 1950’s we have “Barbecued Bologna for Men a la Crisco“. Essentially, 3/4 cup of Crisco shortening, a couple of tablespoons of “Kitchen Bouquet” (bring on the sodium!), and 3 pounds of bologna sliced. Fry it all up and gorge yourself! If you don’t care for that, you can always make “Bologna Cake“.

Try a nice, filling Bologna Cake (or pie)! Nothing understated about this one! (Photo Credit: http://www.lasvegasfood adventures.

 (author’s opinion)



In “Fashionable Foods”, the author has a similar recipe: “Wedgies A.K.A. Bologna Pie“, a nice combination of cream cheese, cream, mustard, and a pound of bologna, sliced into 12 rounds.

There are more recipes that astound: 1924 Italian Spaghetti (spaghetti, butter, lots of flour, canned tomato sauce, garlic and onions, salt, pepper and several cups of sliced American Cheese…sorry, you native Italians!)

You might want to serve “Baked Beans au Glow-Glow“, which definitely resembles the food of the 1960’s: combine canned baked beans, molasses, ketchup, mustard, and place sliced bacon on top. Bake for a couple of hours, warm 1/2 cup rum, ignite it and pour it over the hot beans. Hot diggity dog! How about “Impossible Pie“? The “impossible” part is the role of Bisquick in the recipe: mix eggs, milk, melted butter, vanilla extract, sugar and Bisquick in a blender. Stir in coconut and pour into a pie pan. The neat part is that somehow, the Bisquick settles out of this sludge to the bottom of the pan, forming its’ own crust! How cool is that?

“Impossible Coconut Pie”. Leave it to the manufacturers of Bisquick to work their magic! (Photo Credit:

Lastly, though, was one that I was most fascinated by: “Rosin Baked Potatoes“. Now, I used to dabble at playing the violin for a time, and I thought the only use for rosin was to keep the bow hairs smooth. It never occurred to me that in between maintaining the bow, I could nibble on the block of rosin in my violin case. If you want to sample this (kids, don’t try this at home), you need a large bucket, 15 pounds of lump rosin, 6 large baking potatoes, butter, salt and pepper. Melt the rosin in the bucket until bubbling hot and drop in the potatoes. Cook about 40 minutes, remove and wrap in foil. Serve. I’m not sure why you would go to all of this trouble and expense to cook 6 potatoes, but what the heck. Perhaps necessity was the mother of invention here. Or, maybe the conductor ordered a wee bit more rosin for the string section of his symphony orchestra and didn’t know what to do with it?

Next cookout, forget tossing the potatoes on the grill: just cook em’ up in 15 pounds of boiling rosin! (Photo Credit:

So, go out and indulge yourself: cobble together something from the array of leftovers in your fridge. Who knows, you might patent your creation and create a whole new taste sensation.  Below are some other suggestions you might like to try!

My EatYourBooks cookbook collection

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What’s In a Number: Part 2


Music – “Big Numbers” from I’ve Got Music in Me by Jack Hartmann. Released: 1995

Does the number 5729 mean anything to you? Should it? Well, “5729” is the number imprinted on a drug called “Famotidine”.

"5729" (Famotidine) (Photo Credit:

“5729” (Famotidine) (Photo Credit:

5729” is also the number of a scheduled American Airlines flight from Dallas to Pensacola.

Is this Flight 5729 from Dallas to Pensacola? (Photo Credit:

Is this Flight 5729 from Dallas to Pensacola? (Photo





If you’re at the local office supply store, you might be looking for Avery Labels 5729.

Avery Label 5729

Avery Label 5729

There is a spiffy watch called the “Invicta Men’s Reserve Subaqua Venom 5729“.

Wow! The "Invicta Maen's Reserve Subaqua Venom 5729" watch! (Photo Credit:

Wow! The “Invicta Men’s Reserve Subaqua Venom 5729” watch!  (Photo Credit:

“Alyce 5729” is the name of a dress available at

"Alyce 5729" dress (Photo Credit:

“Alyce 5729” dress (Photo Credit: yorkdress. com)

In the market for a tropical tree? Try “Ficus Nerifolia Bonsai Tree 5729” available at

"Ficus Nerifolia Bonsai Tree 5729" (Photo Credit:

“Ficus Nerifolia Bonsai Tree 5729” (Photo Credit: http://www.miamitropical








You could sew up a cool double-breasted cape jacket using Lekala pattern 5729 (Photo Credit:

For rail fans out there, you might already be familiar with Canadian Pacific locomotive 5729.

CP Rail Locomotive 5729 (Photo Credit:

CP Rail Locomotive   5729 (Photo Credit: http://www.rrpicture








And, in 2013, the per capita monthly income in India was 5729 rupees (approximately $86.00 US)

But, regular readers will know where I’m going with this if they read my post “What’s in a Number“, posted on 6/21/2016.  At that time, the special number was 5328, however,  in my house, “5729” is the current number of cookbooks in “the collection”. And, as Ripley used to say “believe it or not“, I still have a few empty shelves to fill! Full steam ahead!

Supposedly, the "KOBO" electronic device can hold up to 30,000 e-books! (Photo Credit:

Not exactly the size of my collection (yet!) (Photo Credit: http://www.twistthewayi

My EatYourBooks cookbook collection

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Venturesome Vegan Victuals


Music – “I Can Eat It All [A Music Video]” from Remotely Controlled by Mark Lowry. Released: 1996

I have always been curious about “vegans” and what they eat. The notion of being vegetarian is pretty clear, but “vegan” seems to be shrouded in mystery to me. For those who read my posts religiously, you might recall my January 14th, 2014 post “Any Locavore, Freegan, Flexitarians out There?”  In my cookbook collection, I have numerous vegetarian cookbooks, and a few vegan cookbooks including “Vegan World Fusion Cuisine“, “The Candle Cafe Cookbook“, “How it all Vegan!” and “La Dolce Vegan!”

My understanding is that a vegetarian eats no meat, fish or poultry. A lacto-ovo vegetarian eats vegetables, eggs, and dairy products but not meat.  A lacto vegetarian does not consume meat and eggs, but will eat dairy products.

"Faux eggs" (Photo Credit:

“Faux eggs” (Photo Credit:



A vegan, however, does not consume nor use in any fashion, any animal based products, which would include not only the flesh of animals, but products such as milk, honey, eggs, caviar (who could afford it anyhow?!), animal hides and the like.

The Vegan Society, in 1979, amended their definition of veganism as:

“A philosophy and way of living which seeks to exclude—as far as is possible and practicable—all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing or any other purpose; and by extension, promotes the development and use of animal-free alternatives for the benefit of humans, animals and the environment. In dietary terms it denotes the practice of dispensing with all products derived wholly or partly from animals.”

Now, I haven't seen the video, but this doesn't sound like a very nice thing to do! (Photo Credit:

Now, I haven’t seen the video, but this doesn’t sound like a very nice thing to do! (Photo Credit:

I find it an admirable aspiration, however, one that, although I deplore animal cruelty and contribute to several animal support groups and charitable organizations, and although I enjoy vegetables, I have never been able to make the leap from an omnivorous diet to a vegetarian or vegan one. Mind you, I haven’t tried very hard either. Old habits are hard to change.

But, what is most peculiar to me is that there are so many recipes in cookbooks and on the internet, for vegan meals, yet many of them seem to want to “emulate” the very products they eschew! For example, why eat “mock chicken” or faux “steak” or “fish” if you wouldn’t consider eating a real chicken, a piece of beef or a fish?

"Fake cheeseburger" (Photo Credit:

“Fake cheeseburger”  (Photo Credit: http://www.meetthe

"Faux sausage pizza" Does Papa John serve this? (Photo Credit:

“Faux sausage pizza” Does Papa John’s serve this? (Photo Credit: http://www.thatwas

"Faux steak" (Photo Credit:

“Faux steak” (Photo Credit: http://www.pinterest. com)

"Mock Chicken Salad" Why simulate something you don't want to eat anyhow? (Photo Credit:

“Mock Chicken Salad” Why simulate something you don’t want to eat anyhow? (Photo Credit: http://www.downto

Why eat products that resemble eggs, or ham, yet aren’t? Why would a vegan want to partake of “sausages” or “cheeseburgers”, or “meatloaf”, made from vegetable sources, but resemble their real animal counterparts?

"Faux sausages" (Photo Credit:

“Faux sausages” (Photo Credit:

"Faux fried chicken" (I'll bet you can't get this at KFC!) (Photo Credit:

“Faux fried chicken” (I’ll bet you can’t get this at KFC!) (Photo Credit: http://www.hellyeah



Could it be that some vegans are really closet carnivores, but won’t admit it, or are easing themselves into veganism from their lurid carnivorous past?

"Faux chicken soup" Is it still good for colds, even if it has no chicken in it? (Photo Credit:

“Faux chicken soup” Is it still good for colds, even if it has no chicken in it? (Photo Credit: http://www.thecomforting

"Faux meatloaf" (Photo Credit:

“Faux meatloaf” (Photo Credit: http://www.avirtual


And, for the Scottish in you, fake Haggis! (Photo Credit:

And, for the Scottish in you, fake Haggis! (Photo Credit:






I welcome comments from readers to assist me in explaining this odd conundrum. After all, if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, it must be a duck, right? But not necessarily so, in the world of veganism!

If it walks like a turkey, gobbles like a turkey, it must be a turkey, right? Not necessarily! (Photo Credit:

If it looks like a turkey, walks like a turkey, and gobbles like a turkey, it must be a turkey, right? Not necessarily! (Photo Credit: http://www.archives.

Could this lady really be a cheating vegan? (Photo Credit:

Could this lady really be a cheating vegan? (Photo Credit: http://www.dailymail.

My EatYourBooks cookbook collection

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The Pivotal Parable of the Peaceable and Plucky Porcine


Music – “This Little Pig” from Baby’s Best Playtime Songs by The Countdown Kids. Released: 2002

January 17th, 2017 has come and gone and my spouse has a brand, spanking-new mitral heart valve.  The days of sodium restrictions have not yet faded, however, thanks to a plucky porcine, he can look forward to many more heart-healthy years.

When he was recently diagnosed with atrial fibulation and congestive heart failure, the world as we knew it came crashing down.  Sodium restrictions, fluid restrictions, a virtual pharmacy of medications was all foreign territory to our otherwise placid and uneventful lives.  However, when it became apparent that surgery to replace his mitral valve was the only viable option, we did a lot of research, guided by our very competent cardio surgeon.

We learned that there were essentially two options:  a mechanical valve, or a biological valve, composed of either bovine or porcine tissue.  It appeared that porcine tissue was the best option and on January 17th, my long-suffering spouse emerged from a lengthy surgery with a fully functioning-functioning mitral valve, thanks to an anonymous pig donor.

We owe a lot to these little guys! (Photo Credit:

We owe a lot to these little guys! (Photo Credit:

Well, it got me to thinking about that little pig, to whom we pay homage for giving up his little heart valve tissue. There are so many idioms associated with pigs:  “pig in a poke”, which is essentially a warning of buying a pig unseen (poke being a sac or a bag). Then, there is “in a pig’s eye”, etc. which supposedly denotes that, when compared to a human eye, a pig eye is relatively small.  Of course, there is the story of “The 3 little pigs“ and the infamous “Bay of Pigs”, the location of the 1961 US/Cuban volatile situation with John F. Kennedy and Fidel Castro being significant players.  “Sweating like a pig” refers to the moisture which “sweats” out of a pig being cooked on a spit.  After coming across so many porcine-related idioms, most of which maligned this very intelligent animal, I researched how significant the little guy has been in human history.

Just a few things the pig gives up his life for humankind (Photo Credit:

Just a few things the pig gives up his life for humankind (Photo Credit:

In addition to heart valve tissue, I found the following contributions the pigs provide for pioneering research, industry, food and the entire gamut.  The list is by no means inclusive:  of course, there is food:  bacon, ham, pork chops, sausage, ribs, headcheese, chitlins, lard, ice cream, bread, beer, wine, yogurt,  cream cheese, whipped cream, energy bars.  But did you know that pig parts are also harvested and used in the production of insulin, collagen injections, Heparin, multivitamins, toothpaste, medicine tablets, shaving cream, makeup, shampoo, body lotions, soap and moisturizers?  Not to mention antifreeze, water filters, insulation, rubber, floor wax, chalk, fertilizers, corks, adhesives, footballs, fabric softener, crayons, tambourines, suede for clothing, bullets, cigarette filters, paints, paper, photographic film, train brakes, shoes, dog treats and other pet foods…the list is endless.  In addition, pigs have played an important role in forensic science:  the mass, tissue features, etc. of pigs mimic human anatomy in many ways and are used in studies of bullet trajectories, soft tissue decomposition and more.


Thus, our homage to the pig is immeasurable.  I recall that, years ago, when I attended the annual Royal Winter Fair in Toronto, I passed by a small enclosure with about a dozen baby piglets, all pink, cute and fuzzy, nuzzling up to their mother.  After a few “oh, they’re SO cute”, my gaze fell upon a sign immediately above their enclosure:  “Put pork on your fork” and I squealed in disgust.  However, I have not eschewed pork since that time, but I have a whole new respect for those plucky porcines, who have given their all (literally!) for humankind.

My EatYourBooks cookbook collection

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Post Election Blues: So You Want to Move to Canada, Eh?

Music – “Eh Canada” from Rick Around the Rock by Rick Scott. Released: 2010.

The 2016 election is a done deal (well, it depends on whom you ask).  The GOP is in, the Dems have been quashed and “The Donald” will soon be inaugurated and will be leading this country (hopefully, not into temptation).  The die is cast, like it or not.  Count me in the latter group.  Although this post diverges from my usual posts about cookbooks, being Canadian, I had to address all of the recent kerfuffle.

Months prior to the election, there was much abuzz from individuals seeking asylum in the Great White North, that civilized and much-maligned country just north of the 49th parallel, otherwise known as “Canada” (my home and native land).  It was said that on election night, the official Canadian government website crashed due to an overload of inquiries about moving to the true north strong and free.

Canada, the true north strong and free (Photo Credit:

Canada, the true north strong and free (Photo Credit:


A lot of Americans were unhappy with the outcome of the election and wanted to forsake their homeland and travel to still waters (yea, thy Tim Horton coffee and thy ice hockey they comfort me).  “The Donald” has spurred many to lie down in greener pastures, north of the border.  They fear that he will not lead them in the paths of righteousness, for the sake of his name.  If they choose to move to Canada, they should not fear any evil:  they will be walking through the valley of socialized medicine and many other advantages of living in the Great White North.   If they follow the proper path to living in Canada, they may dwell there forever.

There is even a service, which is catering to the rich and famous:  any celebrity who is anti-Trump will get a free flight to Canada!

Free flights to Canada for anti-Trump celebrities! (Photo Credit:

Free flights to Canada for anti-Trump celebrities! (Photo Credit:

This map might represent the number of Canadians flocking to the US (because of the weather) and the number of Americans flocking to Canada (because of the politicians) (Photo Credit:

This map might represent the number of Canadians flocking to the US (because of the weather) and the number of Americans flocking to Canada (because of the politicians) (Photo Credit: http://www.panamerican




Get used to seeing maps like this: the USA is a barren wasteland (Photo Credit:

Get used to seeing maps like this: the USA is a barren wasteland (Photo Credit: http://www.dreamstime. com)

Now, if you are bent on migrating to the Great White North, you’ll have to start studying.  There’s a lot to know.  For example, contrary to popular belief, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police are seldom seen clopping around downtown Toronto.

You probably won't see these in downtown Toronto (Photo Credit:

You probably won’t see these in downtown Toronto (Photo Credit: http://www.templates.


In addition, you’ll have to get used to Canadian bacon and you’d better learn how to make butter tarts.  There are plenty of Canadian cookbooks around.

Canadian bacon, eh? (Photo Credit:

Canadian bacon, eh? (Photo Credit:





You’ll have to remember that the Canadian side of Niagara Falls is the bigger and better side.

The Canadian side of Niagara Falls makes the American side look puny (Photo Credit:

The Canadian side of Niagara Falls makes the American side look puny (Photo Credit:

You will have to be aware of some life-changing Canadian inventions, most of which Americans have in their homes, including the following:

Canada Dry (guess where its' from?) (Photo Credit:

Canada Dry (guess where its’ from?) (Photo Credit:  training


A Canadian invented instant mashed potatoes (Photo Credit:

A Canadian invented instant mashed potatoes (Photo Credit: http://www.westman    preacher. blogspot.   com)


Yes, the zipper! (Photo Credit:

Yes, the zipper! (Photo Credit: http://www.westman preacher.blogspot.    com)

Canadian hockey player Jacques Plante invented the plastic goalie mask (Photo Credit:

Canadian hockey player Jacques Plante invented the plastic goalie mask (Photo Credit: http://www.theweather

Of course, everyone knows that Insulin was invented by a pair of Canadians (Photo Credit:

Of course, everyone knows that Insulin was invented by a pair of Canadians (Photo Credit: http://www.thegear






If you come to Canada, you’ll definitely need to know the language…and don’t forget that there are two official languages…English and French…

…and contrary to popular belief, we don’t say “ooot” and abooot”

Part of the Canadian language (Photo Credit:

Part of the Canadian language (Photo Credit:

Got it? (Photo Credit:

Got it? (Photo Credit:

Check your spelling before you cross the border (Photo Credit:

Check your spelling before you cross the border (Photo Credit:

…and you’d better make sure you know who the Prime Minister is…

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (much better looking than Trump) (Photo Credit:

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (much better looking than Trump) (Photo Credit:

Also, be sure you are familiar with Canadian currency.  Your American dollars will buy more Loonies and Toonies!

"So, are those the loonies? "You mean the immigrants from the US?" (Photo Credit:

“So, are those the loonies? “You mean the immigrants from the US?” (Photo Credit:

If you’re not already polite, be prepared to be extra polite when in Canada.  Among other qualities, Canadians are known for their politeness and generosity:

An example of Canadian politeness

An example of Canadian politeness (Photo Credit:


Politeness and generosity: definitions of a Canadian (Photo Credit:

Politeness and generosity: definitions of a Canadian (Photo Credit: http://www.konichiwa katano.wordpress.     com)

Also, learn the national anthem, “O Canada“:

The national anthem of Canada, "Oh, Canada" (Photo Credit:

The national anthem of Canada, “Oh, Canada” (Photo Credit:

Finally, if you are quizzed at the border, here’s what you need to know about Canadian inventions, innovations, creations, exports, etc.  The following list is by no means inclusive, so do your research:  Winnie-the Pooh, the walkie-talkie, the atomic clock, pagers, 56K modem, hydrofoil, snowmobile, electric wheelchair, rotary snowplow, gas mask, ice hockey, basketball, sonar, instant replay, Trivial Pursuit, electron microscope, plexiglas, Easy-Off Oven Cleaner, instant mashed potatoes, cardiac pacemaker, caulking gun, egg carton, garbage bags, paint roller, IMAX movie system, Superman (the artist was Canadian), AM radio, prosthetic hand, the Wonderbra, Jolly Jumper, peanut butter, Canadarm, electric oven….also, Alexander Graham Bell, although he was from Scotland and later emigrated to the US, he was working in Canada at the time of inventing the telephone.  In addition, in 1874, a Canadian actually invented the first light bulb.  Although crude, he sold his patent to Thomas Edison, who improved on it and made it available to the public.

Also, be aware of these well-known CanadiansDonald Sutherland, John McCrae, Robert Service, Margot Kidder, Gorden Pinsent, Genevieve Bujold, Glenn Gould, Maureen Forrester, Norman McClaren, Deanna Durbin, Arthur Hill, Art Linkletter, Rich Little, Guy Lombardo, Gisele MacKenzie, Joni Mitchell, Raymond Massey, Anne Murray, Christopher Plummer, Michael Sarrazin, William Shatner, Norma Shearer, Richard Dreyfuss, John Candy, Martin Short, Dave Thomas, Catherine O’Hara, Rick Moranis, Glenn Ford, Lorne Greene, Leslie Nielson, Fay Wray, Mary Pickford, Walter Pidgeon, Monty Hall, Dan Akroyd, Paul Anka, Hume Cronym, Yvonne DeCarlo, Colleen Dewhurst….whew….too many to list!  Now get memorizing!

In the meantime, enjoy this humerous YouTube video!

(there really is a website!

(Note: no offense intended to the 23rd Psalm)

My EatYourBooks cookbook collection

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The “BREXIT” Effect and Cookbooks


Music – “The Brexit Song (Brexit Blues)” from The Brexit Song (Brexit Blues) by Isaac Adni. Released: 2016

On June 23rd, 2016,  British citizens voted on the question, “Should the United Kingdom remain a member of the European Union (EU) or leave the European Union?”.  52% of votes were cast in favour of leaving the EU.  The process of this “exit”, some say, may take more than two years to complete.  The United Kingdom’s withdrawal from the European Union is widely known as “Brexit” (British Exit)   The referendum caused a ricochet effect in global markets.

Due to a rather coincidental series of events, at around the same time as “Brexit” became a done deal, I was dealing with a curious problem of my own and wondering how it could be resolved.  You see, I had reached the limits of shelf space I had previously assigned to cookbooks from the UK, not imagining that I would eventually have 116 from that part of the world.  Pressed into two small shelves in the European section of The Great Hall of Cookbooks, lodged among their cohorts from France, Germany, Spain, etc.  they were clearly in need of breathing room.

"The Great Hall of Cookbooks" (read: European Union)

The Great Hall of Cookbooks” (read as: European Union)






As a result, the only option was to remove them from The Great Hall and sequester them in the “annex”, a room across from The Great Hall, where they could enjoy two bookcases dedicated to their newly found isolation.

"The Annex" (Read: no longer in the European Union)

The Annex” (Read as: no longer in the European Union)

In the process of relocating them, I was suddenly struck by the peculiar timing of the move, coinciding as it was, with “Brexit“.  Alas, they were forced to leave the “union“, by popular vote, so to speak, and are now more or less isolated from their previous compatriots.  Mrs. Beeton, Jamie, Nigella, the Two Fat Ladies and others have bid “adieu”.  There is no looking back.

My EatYourBooks cookbook collection




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