Music – “Eh Canada” from Rick Around the Rock by Rick Scott. Released: 2010.
The 2016 election is a done deal (well, it depends on whom you ask). The GOP is in, the Dems have been quashed and “The Donald” will soon be inaugurated and will be leading this country (hopefully, not into temptation). The die is cast, like it or not. Count me in the latter group. Although this post diverges from my usual posts about cookbooks, being Canadian, I had to address all of the recent kerfuffle.
Months prior to the election, there was much abuzz from individuals seeking asylum in the Great White North, that civilized and much-maligned country just north of the 49th parallel, otherwise known as “Canada” (my home and native land). It was said that on election night, the official Canadian government website crashed due to an overload of inquiries about moving to the true north strong and free.
A lot of Americans were unhappy with the outcome of the election and wanted to forsake their homeland and travel to still waters (yea, thy Tim Horton coffee and thy ice hockey they comfort me). “The Donald” has spurred many to lie down in greener pastures, north of the border. They fear that he will not lead them in the paths of righteousness, for the sake of his name. If they choose to move to Canada, they should not fear any evil: they will be walking through the valley of socialized medicine and many other advantages of living in the Great White North. If they follow the proper path to living in Canada, they may dwell there forever.
There is even a service, which is catering to the rich and famous: any celebrity who is anti-Trump will get a free flight to Canada!
Now, if you are bent on migrating to the Great White North, you’ll have to start studying. There’s a lot to know. For example, contrary to popular belief, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police are seldom seen clopping around downtown Toronto.
In addition, you’ll have to get used to Canadian bacon and you’d better learn how to make butter tarts. There are plenty of Canadian cookbooks around.
You’ll have to remember that the Canadian side of Niagara Falls is the bigger and better side.
You will have to be aware of some life-changing Canadian inventions, most of which Americans have in their homes, including the following:
If you come to Canada, you’ll definitely need to know the language…and don’t forget that there are two official languages…English and French…
…and contrary to popular belief, we don’t say “ooot” and abooot”
…and you’d better make sure you know who the Prime Minister is…
Also, be sure you are familiar with Canadian currency. Your American dollars will buy more Loonies and Toonies!
If you’re not already polite, be prepared to be extra polite when in Canada. Among other qualities, Canadians are known for their politeness and generosity:
Also, learn the national anthem, “O Canada“:
Finally, if you are quizzed at the border, here’s what you need to know about Canadian inventions, innovations, creations, exports, etc. The following list is by no means inclusive, so do your research: Winnie-the Pooh, the walkie-talkie, the atomic clock, pagers, 56K modem, hydrofoil, snowmobile, electric wheelchair, rotary snowplow, gas mask, ice hockey, basketball, sonar, instant replay, Trivial Pursuit, electron microscope, plexiglas, Easy-Off Oven Cleaner, instant mashed potatoes, cardiac pacemaker, caulking gun, egg carton, garbage bags, paint roller, IMAX movie system, Superman (the artist was Canadian), AM radio, prosthetic hand, the Wonderbra, Jolly Jumper, peanut butter, Canadarm, electric oven….also, Alexander Graham Bell, although he was from Scotland and later emigrated to the US, he was working in Canada at the time of inventing the telephone. In addition, in 1874, a Canadian actually invented the first light bulb. Although crude, he sold his patent to Thomas Edison, who improved on it and made it available to the public.
Also, be aware of these well-known Canadians: Donald Sutherland, John McCrae, Robert Service, Margot Kidder, Gorden Pinsent, Genevieve Bujold, Glenn Gould, Maureen Forrester, Norman McClaren, Deanna Durbin, Arthur Hill, Art Linkletter, Rich Little, Guy Lombardo, Gisele MacKenzie, Joni Mitchell, Raymond Massey, Anne Murray, Christopher Plummer, Michael Sarrazin, William Shatner, Norma Shearer, Richard Dreyfuss, John Candy, Martin Short, Dave Thomas, Catherine O’Hara, Rick Moranis, Glenn Ford, Lorne Greene, Leslie Nielson, Fay Wray, Mary Pickford, Walter Pidgeon, Monty Hall, Dan Akroyd, Paul Anka, Hume Cronym, Yvonne DeCarlo, Colleen Dewhurst….whew….too many to list! Now get memorizing!
In the meantime, enjoy this humerous YouTube video!
(there really is a website! http://www.brickingitforcanada.com/)
(Note: no offense intended to the 23rd Psalm)